Dead Pool 28th July 2013
Good afternoon Poolers, I hope you are all well and feeling better than a certain Spanish train driver. If you haven’t noticed, I’m back in the driving seat today and I’d like to thank both Liz and Sophie for their sterling efforts in keeping you informed and entertained about notable deaths by email. I’m sure they will never volunteer again as they now know how much work it is! As I haven’t updated the website for a couple of weeks, this weeks edition will cover my leave of absence as well, just for the benefit of those who are keeping abreast of things on there. So my apologies if I bore you to death or repeat what Liz or Soph mentioned over the last couple of weeks.
Look who you could have had:
- Anna Wing, 98, British actress (EastEnders).
- Paul Bhattacharjee, 53, British actor (EastEnders, Casino Royale, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel).
- Alan Whicker, 87, British journalist and broadcaster (Whicker’s World), bronchial pneumonia.
- Dennis Burkley, 67, American actor (King of the Hill, The Doors, Tin Cup), heart attack.
- Briony McRoberts, 56, British actress (Take the High Road), wife of David Robb, hit by train.
- Mel Smith, 60, English comedian and actor (Not the Nine O’Clock News, The Princess Bride, Alas Smith and Jones), heart attack.
- Dennis Farina, 69, American actor (Law & Order, Get Shorty, Unsolved Mysteries), pulmonary embolism.
- JJ Cale, 74, American Grammy Award-winning singer-songwriter (“After Midnight“, “Cocaine“, “Call Me the Breeze“) and musician, heart attack.
- Jon Leyne, 55, British journalist (BBC), brain tumour.
In other news
I’m sure you haven’t missed the train crash in Santiago de Compostela. For those of you who have seen the CCTV footage it’s easy to see that the driver was going too fast. Perhaps we should keep an eye on Fransisco Jose Garzon for suicidal tendencies, I’d certainly feel bad if I had just killed 80 people and injured hundreds more, although I wonder if he is famous enough for our purposes, he certainly wasn’t a week ago!
Theresa May has revealed that she has Type 1 Diabetes. Although not a death sentence in itself, it does cause significant health worries for someone of her age. The 56 year old politician will now have to inject insulin twice a day and take great care of herself, but I’m sure that her hoard of immigrant slaves will ensure that she gets the best care, sorry, I meant to say NHS, not immigrant slaves.
Of course, like the rest of the media, I can’t sign off without mentioning the new Royal Baby™. You can’t help feeling sorry for the rich little bundle of joy, his life will now be forever photographed and chased by those bottom-feeders known as journalists. Proud mum was able to push out little George with the assistance of a whole hospital and superdrugs reserved only for the elite. I’m sure she was able to have a cup of tea and a scone whilst the shoulders were passing through. It makes me proud to be British!
2013 League Table
Next Week peeps!
Dead Pool 7th July 2013
Welcome all, to another edition of the Dead Pool. Last week left us not in the mood for dancing as one of the most iconic afros of all time sadly died whilst he was electrocuted through his mouse whilst surfing for clowns that appeared in The Waltons. Who would have thought that this obscure turn of events would be so intrinsically linked to all the famous people who died during that week. The world certainly is a strange place!
For the next couple of weeks I’ll be taking a sabbatical from writing the Dead Pool, but fear not, I have lined up a couple of guest writers for you. So be kind and thankful to Liz and Sophie, who graciously answered my cries for help. They will either make me look like a complete amateur or end up tearing their hair out like I do most weekends.
Look who you could have had:
- Matt Osborne, 55, American professional wrestler (Doink the Clown).
- Jim Kelly, 67, American martial artist and actor (Enter the Dragon), cancer.
- Paul Jenkins, 74, American actor (The Waltons, Chinatown, Dynasty).
- Douglas Engelbart, 88, American scientist, inventor of the computer mouse, kidney failure.
- Bernie Nolan, 52, Irish singer (The Nolans) and actress, breast cancer.
In other news
Gazza seems to be falling off the rails once again, he was arrested for being drunk and allegedly hitting his ex-wife Sheryl. Nice one Gazza, great way to be the footballing hero you once were. Only a few weeks ago he promised the nation to quit drinking and mend his ways, looks like his personal demons are not going away any time soon, which leaves us with the possibility that the 46 year old alcoholic will make a good Maverick. Sadly we might also need to keep an eye on Sheryl, you never know what he’s capable of…
Talking about football, you may have heard of the occurrence in Brazil where the referee stabbed a player for not accepting a red card. Then in an orgy of retaliatory violence the referee was stoned to death, quartered and beheaded with the fans leaving his head on a stake in the middle of the ground. Well, I think the Premiership could do with something like this, it would certainly make those pansy’s earn their money with the threat of death hanging over them for falling over after feeling a gust of wind going by them.
Jeremy Bowen, the BBC reporter has been shot whilst covering the events in Egypt. He’s taken some shot to the head and leg, not very serious but still highlights the dangers that overseas reporters face. Here’s an interesting fact for you, last year 89 journalists were killed, 79 arrested, 1993 journalists threatened or physically attacked, 38 journalists kidnapped, 73 journalists fled their country, 6 media assistants killed, 47 netizens and citizen-journalists killed, and 144 bloggers and netizens arrested. Maybe you should seriously think of a list consisting of journos next year, looks like it’s easy pickings.
I hear you demanding to know who’s had a birthday last week, well… Lindsey Lohan (27), Sylvester Stallone (67), Tom Cruise (51), Edie Falco (50), Larry David (66), Dalai Lama (78), 50 Cent (38), Ashley Tisdale (28), Dan Aykroyd (61), Debbie Harry (68) 68? 68!!, Liv Tyler (38), Mike Tyson (47), Huey Lewis (63), Carl Lewis (52), Jerry Hall (57), George W. Bush (67), Missy Elliott (42), Geoffrey Rush (62), Cheryl Cole (30), Nancy Reagan (92) still alive! Ned Beatty (76), Bill Withers (75), Yeardley Smith (49), yes, Lisa Simpson is nearly 50!!!
2013 League Table
Next week peeps!
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