Dead Pool 19th May 2013
Welcome yet again to the Dead Pool newsletter. As you will soon see, this week has been a slight disappointment on the deaths front, I’ll be honest and say I had only ever heard of Paul Shane and all he’s done is made me look towards Ruth Madoc and Sue Pollard as potential names for next year. It goes without saying that nobody has scored, but we can’t have every week a Margaret Thatcher now can we!
Look who you could have had:
- Kenneth Battelle, 86, American hairdresser (Jacqueline Kennedy, Marilyn Monroe), only hairdresser to win Coty Award (1961).
- Dick Trickle, 71, American NASCAR driver, suicide by gunshot.
- Paul Shane, 72, British actor and comedian (Hi-de-Hi!, You Rang, M’Lord?).
- Jorge Rafael Videla, 87, Argentine military general and politician, President (1976–1981), natural causes.
- Harold Shapero, 93, American composer and pianist.
In other news
As you may have heard, one of Hollywood’s greatest relationships has ended. Yes, Angelina Jolie and her breasts have gone separate ways. We have seen the breasts fall out a few times with Jolie, but it seems the final straw was a rumour that her breasts might be responsible for giving her future cancer. Obviously this malignant rumour was denied by the breasts, citing that there was a 16% chance that they’d not give her the Big C, but Jolie had had enough, so she had Kevin Spacey chop them off and deliver them to her husband in a box. Jennifer Aniston is said to be over the moon.
Things haven’t been going well for George Michael either. The 49 year old singer was a passenger in a car when it went Wham into something, leaving the entertainer with a head injury and superficial cuts. I think George needs to stay away from cars if he intends to live, this is now his third accident and he had a close call with pneumonia only a couple of years ago. Surely a potential name for next year!
You may have also heard that the real Marge Simpson has died. Sadly for us, Margaret Groening wasn’t famous enough to make the Wiki dead pool listings, but as a matter of interest I thought I’d mention her death at the age of 94. What you may not know is that her maiden name was Wiggum. O_o
2013 League Table
Next week peeps!
Dead Pool 12th May 2013
Welcome one and all to this weeks epic Dead Pool newsletter. Let’s begin by dispensing some points to Shân for correctly guessing that the former Italian president, Giulio Andreotti, would bite the bullet this year, that’s quite a mouthful if you’ve had a glass or wine or three. Well done to her for scoring 56 points, a boo hiss for the rest of us for missing out Ray Harryhausen! Of course, ol’ Harryhausen has been a stalwart on some lists for years, but as is usual with this frustrating game, he’s been overlooked this year and without any consideration for us sickos, he’s only gone and died! Thanks Ray for entertaining us with your amazing stop motion skills, but you could have waited a few months…
Look who you could have had:
- Mario Machado, 78, American news anchor, journalist and actor (Scarface, RoboCop, St. Elmo’s Fire), complications of pneumonia.
- Giulio Andreotti, 94, Italian politician, Prime Minister (1972–1973, 1976–1979, 1989–1992).
- Diana Keppel, Countess of Albemarle, 103, British aristocrat.
- Ray Harryhausen, 92, American stop-motion animator (Jason and the Argonauts, Clash of the Titans).
- Bryan Forbes, 86, British actor (The League of Gentlemen), film director (The Stepford Wives) and screenwriter (Chaplin).
- Jeanne Cooper, 84, American actress (The Young and the Restless), short illness.
In other news
Some news from North Korea, our newish illustrious leader, Kim Jong-un may have escaped an assassination attempt. According to sketchy reports, Ri Kyong-Sim may have saved Kim from a dodgy traffic accident and thus getting herself awarded the highest honour that North Korea can bestow, the ‘Hero of the Republic’ award!
I’m sure Kim is very grateful to her, although I’m not sure how a small Korean woman would be able to stop a deadly vehicle from doing whatever the fuck it wanted, I can only assume she went all Schwarzenegger on it and managed to produce some kind of small missile launcher out of her chuff! Anyhow, Kim is still alive to tell the tale and ready to be included in next years lists.
Talking about Schwarzenegger, his son Patrick seems to be a bit of a cunt. Sources report that he managed to sneak into a nightclub whilst being underage and then proceeded to throw ice cubes at the DJ before being thrown out of the club ranting that he wanted to kill the DJ for some unfathomable reason. Seems the 19 year old needs to grow up somewhat, before some big muscly beefcake goes commando on his arse. A potential Sheen in the making??
We have also heard that The Queen has decided she’s too old to go on long haul flights, although it didn’t stop her jumping out of one during the Olympics. I don’t blame her really, the travel insurance alone must cost her a tiara each time she steps through an airport terminal door. Let’s face it, at 87 she’s at a huge risk of DVT, even on a personal jet, the last thing we need is her dying and allowing Charles access to the throne. I can just envisage him letting the power get to him and going all Joffrey on us, perhaps even shooting prostitutes with a crossbow at King’s Cross… Who knows…
Here are a few birthdays for you to wet yourselves over:
Gabriel Byrne (63), Burt Bacharach (85), Ving Rhames (54), Emilio Estevez (51), Malin Akerman (35), Catherine Tate (45) and Stephen Baldwin (47). It would also have been the gorgeous Katherine Hepburn’s birthday and George Carlin’s too, but they’re dead, so who cares.
2013 League Table
Next week peeps!
Dead Pool 5th April 2013
Good afternoon Poolers, yet another week passes and so do many more celebrities. Alas none that were on our lists, so no points awarded to anyone. So without much to mention I’ll plug the website once again and hopefully you can tout it to your mates in readiness for next year. I’m noticing that the visitor stats are a bit poor at the moment, most traffic coming from my Facebook page or my tweets, so shout it loud, be proud and promote http://koadeadpool.wordpress.com
Look who you could have had:
- Cyril Quigley, 106, British centenarian, oldest man in Northern Ireland.
- Mabel Richardson, 107, British television personality (Food and Drink).
- Deanna Durbin, 91, Canadian singer and actress (Three Smart Girls).
- Mike Gray, 77, American director, screenwriter (The China Syndrome, Star Trek: The Next Generation) and author, heart failure.
- Chris Kelly, 34, American rap artist (Kris Kross), drug overdose.
- Jeff Hanneman, 49, American guitarist (Slayer), liver failure.
In other news
Iain Banks has just returned from his honeymoon. The terminally ill author married his wife Adele after she gracefully accepted his proposal to be his widow. Banks wrote that he’s astounded by the outpouring of loving messages and support since he revealed to the world that he’s dying of cancer of the liver. It’s doubtful that he’ll survive the year, perhaps he isn’t one to keep an eye on for our purposes.
I’m not one to take mental disorders lightly, but I will mention that Catherine Zeta-Jones has voluntarily checked into a clinic to proactively treat her bipolar disorder. The Welsh girl done good seems to be worried about her marbles, personally I thought she was off her rocker marrying Michael Douglas, but she’s a millionaire, I’m a destitute waster, what do I know! I still don’t understand why she allowed his geriatric gentleman’s relish inside her, but there you go, each to their own, maybe you ladies can explain to me the attraction.
I suppose you have all heard that William Roache aka Ken Barlow has been arrested over allegations of rape. That deep hole of celebrity paedophiles seems to be getting deeper with some very surprising names popping up. But we can be assured that at least one man is now facing jail. Stuart Hall will be sentenced in June and I’m sure that he’ll find prison a rather horrible version of It’s a Knockout, perhaps we need to put him on suicide watch.
Few interesting birthdays for us to celebrate this Sunday: Lance Henriksen (73), John Rhys-Davies (69), Michael Palin (70). Richard E. Grant (56) and Adele (25). Go pester them on Twitter or something.
2013 League Table
Next week peeps!
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